Threshold Headaches & Crocodile Medicine.

A Headache Vision - Our bodies know the way and the more I trust this the more the medicine is reveled from within. There are biological processes within the body that will explain why we experience headaches, usually language like a blockage of Qi and blood in the channels (meridians) - caused by stress and tension, dehydration, muscle damage/constriction or digestive issues. Then there is the way our field interacts with the whole in response to external factors like changing seasons, the environment and the energy and information available in the causal ocean of potential.

When I was little if I would get a headache I used to step inside them and would begin to shake it apart, untill eventually it was broken up and the mass of energy that was stuck in that place had dissipated. This has lead me over the years to using pain, discomfort and sickness as a chance to really explore what is going on, the disconnect that I need to see, the message, the medicine, all the information available from my own council, my body and fucking crocodiles!!! Ill get to that in a bit.

There is value in knowing the cause and trigger for headaches and to address those things that lead to the imbalance.....There is value in PAIN, eyes throbbing and bluging like your face is one of those rubber ugly flexiface jiggler finger puppets from the 1970's in the hands of a excited 7 year old whos heavy on the right eye, her finger bulging it out till your sure the vinal is going to explode with that grubby finger pushing through it. Full debilitation eyes won't open, I need a dark room, no sound no smells and a bucket. And then there is the incredible way life speaks to and teaches us through our dreaming life.

And then... because I am me there is value in launching myself into the pain portals that open within my body, summonsing my lucid dreamlife and symbolic animal allies, seeing what they have to offer and asking my body directly.

Once upon a time there was a little girl who grew up at the beach between two great Rivers. She learned to swim in the sea and would fish and mudcrab with her Dad in the mangrove estuarys that came right up to her back yard. From an early age she was told of the presence and danger of crocodiles in the water and was told never to go down past the tree line in the back yard on her own.

As she grew up, becoming a little more curious and a little less afraid to test the protective boundaries put in place by her parents, she would often find herself standing at the edge of the mangroves that defined the boundary of safe and unsafe, hovering near the perimiter that marked "I feel ok here, but past this point - I am afraid". Peering into the mangrove mire, twisted roots snaking out of the knee deep black mud, a maze of shadows that water never fully leaves, and were they really trees? Stench of stagnant rot, heavy decay - a doorway to death - there were definitely crocodiles here.

I have never had to go on a vision quest to find my spirit ally, I knew very early in my life that Crocodiles had staked their claim on me, streamlining through my sleep, a lifetime of recurring crocodile dreams, the talisman and secret code to unlock my inner world, inviting me to dive deeper, swim further into the undercurrent of my life to discover why they keep showing up.

The one thing I have been sure of this whole time is that I am afraid of them, Saltwater Crocodiles are the embodiment of the fullest measure of my fear and to be in their presence is the utmost paralysing fear, dread, terror and death.

I was 12 or 13

In the darkest part of the night, at edge of the water on the boat ramp of the Hull River I stood facing the river alone

I remember thinking, this is a lucid dream, this is really happening

I waited, amazed that I could actually feel the water

and then

The King of the Crocodiles walked out of the river towards me on his hind legs, up right like a human, he wore a green and gold crown and a even darker green cloak around his shoulders

I asked him "if he was the King of the Crocodiles"

to which he replied "yes"

I said " I am afraid of you"

to which he replied "I know".

There was also the sense that I was protected and I trusted him completly.

He began to walk me out into the river, placed me laying down in a pod, which was my own energetic shiled/field, and pushed me out into the river as he was saying that "as long as I wasn't afraid the crocodiles wouldn't bother me, they wouldn't even notice me". So off I went, floating down the river with thousands of crocodiles on either side of me, above and below. I remember how strong and confident I felt, I was not afraid of them, I had no frequency of fear in my body or field. I was protected.

And then..... I started to doubt it... started to let fear make me afraid and in that moment the crocodiles turned their heads, they could all see me, fear completely took over and my shiled began to weaken, and then - pop went my creation bubble of protection and pop I woke myself up!

My journey with crocodiles has continued through out my life and most recently across the threshold of whats happening in my body in these times.

The system is coming apart, the false matrix collapsing as the energy thats required to uphold the lies that sustained it is no longer available, - our bodies are telling us - NO MORE!! at least mine is.

As my body continues to remember itsself as a light body, as the full scope of what it means to be the universe - looking out at all of us, the universe - me, experiencing itself myself through everyone and everything, I see beauty everywhere, and the only thing that makes sense is the natural world so how do I nagigate my daily life so that my thoughts, choIces and footsteps are in right relationship with this gorgeous planet.

Two nights ago I had a headache so in I went straight to the crocodiles den to sit down with the King and get the guidance for wtf is going on - the life-death-life cycles, the reconfiguration and transcendance going on in my body and he said "Just die already - the big one!!!". ...

REALLY - they have all been big and scary and its always maybe you don't wake up here and maybe thats the point!

Deep in the pain, eye throbbing out of its socket, some green vomit in the bucket beside my bed.... between worlds the moment is upon me and I run from this one every single time.....

Theres this scence that I am the last person to have figured this whole thing out, it spins around me like a bad trip and I am aware that this whole show is just for me and I have created everyone and everything thing, then the dilemma - theres this massive pull for me to die, to just let go and return to the oneness - and I want to, so much I want to but then...... I think, what about my family, what about my life, and then, but you made it all up anyways, its only in your head, it doesnt really exist and if you die it all ends and you were the only one keeping it going.

Enter the crocodile, swimming up from under the bridge, hes been there all along, always has been, the fear waiting, watching - will you choose fear or will you finally choose what you have always wanted.

I was so fucking sick so I decided to do it this time - this time I would surrender every cell to this process - not one left behind to cling to any shred of fear or doubt.

On my death bed, fear expelled the crocodile swam into me, his body merged with mine, I saw an aerial view of myself swimming up a river in Cape Tribulation, - I looked like a King.

Will I get another headache in my life of course I will, the medicine of pain is deep and wide as I continue to learn to understand I am not my pain, I am not my emotions, beliefs or even my understandings - I am the universe experiencing itself.

I loosen the grip on the intensity of things and wander inside the headache with wonder.